Whew!
Its been an eventful 24 hours. I, blogger intermittent, received the highest number of hits for any post that I ever made. Som says I underestimated the power of sensationalism. I agree with him, but my heart goes out to those 42 comments made as a response to the original post. Not a single abuse (apart from "assface" of course :-D maan, I can't seem to get over that, controlling laughter now), not a single derogatory statement, but actually constructive criticism! Well meaning, mature people expressing an individual opinion - a rarity nowadays.
Now that my 15 minutes of fame are over, this post is philosophical but not holier-than-thou. A reflection on my own personal mistakes and a reflection on a spirit (both yours and mine) which refuses to die. Philosophy without action would be hypocrisy. Action without philosophy is madness. Philosophy and Action imply knowledge. Right or wrong knowledge.
This is mainly my story, but also a little bit of yours. Read at your own risk - you have been warned. I write to no one in particular.
What was my primary mistake? Underestimating the power of an action. The more I think, the more I feel that Newton's Third Law of kinematics needs to be seriously revised - every action has amplification in the reaction.
The Wise Ones have for long said that even your thoughts create ripples in the fabric of space-time. Actions definitely create waves in that same fabric. Be Aware, I tell myself, be constantly Aware.
And now, the spirit - the one which refuses to die. How is one supposed to react to a situation, a circumstance - especially an unpleasant one? How is one to deal with negativity?
The first thing about negativity is to accept it. And again, full marks to people like GR and G.Su. who have the guts to stand up and accept it. BITS needs that as does any other organisation or individual.
The second thing about negativity is to posess it or fight it - and not be averse to it. There are two images that the word "fight" brings to my mind - one of Chhatrapati Shivaji riding his horse and holding his sword out in defiance. The second is of Mahatma Gandhi, sitting quietly and smiling. Both are iconic Indian symbols. (And also both are Bengalis!)
The third and final thing about negativity is to sublimate it - to give it a new form.
On Mahatma Gandhi - my history teacher told me in Class 8 that she didn't agree with Gandhiji and had he not called off the Non-cooperation movment in 1922 after Chauri Chaura, India would have gained her independence earlier. For very long I held Gandhiji in contempt and Netaji (Bengali!) in regard.
Eventually after my own personal development, the picture of Gandhiji and his ideals grew stronger and stronger till I was convinced that his way was the only way. And, it left little doubt in my mind that had his way not been adopted, India would have never gained her freedom.
Violence will not solve the issue. Give me ONE example in this entire world where violence has solved the issue...
So accept negativity, possess it and transmute it. But violence in thought or in action will have mostly a disastrous consequence. Such is the Law of the Universe. The Greeks conquered by violence, the Romans fought long and hard for their empire, the marauding Mongols fought with violent valour. Where are they now? Where are the great empires? From ashes to ashes, from dust to dust.
Only one great country in this whole wide world has never attacked anyone but in retaliation. Only one great country in this world has been recorded in history before any other country has been recorded. Only one culture exists from that time to today. Only one great country has shown a resilience even to the point of frustration. You and I are that great country, that great culture.
How do you protest against something? In any way, as long as it is non-violent - in thought and in action - that's important. The whole universe will listen to you. India has had her own means of protest from times immemorial. You need to keep that up. Have pride in who you are and not what you want to become.
Sometimes people ask me why I never left India. Because I wanted to be India - I wanted to be able to make a change. Today I am plain uncomfortable outside India. A couple of years back, I went to Singapore for a conference. It was a very enjoyable three days, but on the fourth I was itching for my flight back to Delhi. And when I landed at IGI, the ground seemed my own and the air seemed my own - it just felt different and unfamiliar in Singapore.
I stayed on in BITS for the same reason - because I wanted to be able to make a change. As a student I mostly slept through the days and bunked classes. The reasons were exactly the same as today's - most of my classes were singularly uninspiring. It was a frustrating realisation and I sought solace in the few classes that were. This was acceptance of negativity.
Then was the possession, or the fight. I fought against teachers and purposely missed their vivas, abused everything and everyone from instructors to question papers to text-book publishers. It was terrible and it left me tired and weak and confused about my future and feeling I was fighting with the entire world all alone.
In the winter of 2001, after finishing PS II and before starting my final semester at BITS, I did the Sudarshan Kriya in Calcutta. And one day that winter, as I was sitting deep in meditation in Thakur's room at Dakshineshwar (a favourite jaunt of mine), a voice from inside revealed to me my future. It was clear as crystal, what I had to do - I had to become the very thing I hated the most - the instructor. The possession of negativity!
Very good, divine intervention and all that - but I had 6.5 in my two Physics sems and 5.5 in my two EEE sems; so how to do it? Believe it or not, I had difficulty differentiating between series and parallel resistance connections. On the car ride back from Dakshineshwar, I thought about how I would take my first class. And it all came rushing back, the negativity and the frustration, the bad teaching and some of the good. It was scary being the very thing that you detested.
In my final semester I did my thesis. (Oh, I finally found my guru - but more on him later.) 10 a.m. in the morning to 6 p.m. in the evening I was in Sky on the grass with one text book - no lunch (the mess cook wasn't Bengali), no getting up and lots of
chai and cigarettes. In three weeks, I read three pages - I shit you not - but I made sure I understood every word of what I read. In the entire semester, I finished one and a half chapters of that text book and designed a circuit with 5 transistors. Which the brighter students do in a week.
At that point in time I refused a couple of jobs and enrolled for my Master's at BITS much to my parents' chagrin and my friends' titterings and against well-wishers who warned that BITS was a place full of old degenerates. But the voice had said to become instructor. BITS was short of people at that point in time and I guess that is how in spite of my abysmal CG, I made it to TA-ship.
The whole universe had conspired to make me an instructor and I, driven by a mad voice had let it.
They gave me a lecture section - Electrical Sciences I. I had made a C in that course and more notably a zero in the second test as student. There were twelve people in class and most prominently a girl I had had a crush on as a student not so long ago. In a matter of seconds I forgot all the planning I had done from that day on in Dakshineshwar and could not get a single English statement out straight. I ended up reading the handout and letting them go in 15 minutes.
The second load I had was Microelectronic Circuits - a CDC freshly introduced by LKM into EEE that year and I was his direct TA. I had to attend his classes and I was sweating hard in the first class because he was revising stuff and the third and fourth year guys were answering stuff I had no clue to. I swore at the voice and was sure that this possession of negativity wasn't such a great idea.
However, between thinking of doing an MBA and learning Java, I taught those classes I was supposed to and within a couple of months, I could get complete English sentences out straight. :-)
Then one hot and sultry afternoon in September as I taught to my class of twelve, there was a magical moment. I was saying something I can't remember what - when in a dizzying flash I forgot to speak. For floating in front of my eyes were electrons and transistors in their primordial glory. Something I had said triggered the vision and like Neo from the Matrix, I stood silent and amazed at the swirling particles.
I remember what I had said after that. I stopped at looked at my (rather worried) twelve and smiled and said, "Does anyone have any questions?". I knew that I could answer anything they had to ask.
The sublimation of negativity had occurred!
Yes, I was the instructor I had always despised and feared. But a much better version. I had kept the good and removed the bad as much as I could. From then till now, it has been polishing stuff so that the students are taken to a point of clarity beyond doubt.
Then I soon realised that BITS had many things I needed changed. That happened finally yesterday. At least the beginning happened. Which is why I was so thrilled of course.
But yes, it is a never-ending journey towards perfection. I am just glad that some of my favourite men are at the helm and I am also glad that some of my non-favourites are not - I have fought long and hard against them.
If you complain about BITS and India, (paraphrasing from President Abdul Kalam - yeah I was really proud of him) know that you are BITS and you are India.
And only YOU can be the change that you want to see.
