Whew!
Its been an eventful 24 hours. I, blogger intermittent, received the highest number of hits for any post that I ever made. Som says I underestimated the power of sensationalism. I agree with him, but my heart goes out to those 42 comments made as a response to the original post. Not a single abuse (apart from "assface" of course :-D maan, I can't seem to get over that, controlling laughter now), not a single derogatory statement, but actually constructive criticism! Well meaning, mature people expressing an individual opinion - a rarity nowadays.
Now that my 15 minutes of fame are over, this post is philosophical but not holier-than-thou. A reflection on my own personal mistakes and a reflection on a spirit (both yours and mine) which refuses to die. Philosophy without action would be hypocrisy. Action without philosophy is madness. Philosophy and Action imply knowledge. Right or wrong knowledge.
This is mainly my story, but also a little bit of yours. Read at your own risk - you have been warned. I write to no one in particular.
What was my primary mistake? Underestimating the power of an action. The more I think, the more I feel that Newton's Third Law of kinematics needs to be seriously revised - every action has amplification in the reaction.
The Wise Ones have for long said that even your thoughts create ripples in the fabric of space-time. Actions definitely create waves in that same fabric. Be Aware, I tell myself, be constantly Aware.
And now, the spirit - the one which refuses to die. How is one supposed to react to a situation, a circumstance - especially an unpleasant one? How is one to deal with negativity?
The first thing about negativity is to accept it. And again, full marks to people like GR and G.Su. who have the guts to stand up and accept it. BITS needs that as does any other organisation or individual.
The second thing about negativity is to posess it or fight it - and not be averse to it. There are two images that the word "fight" brings to my mind - one of Chhatrapati Shivaji riding his horse and holding his sword out in defiance. The second is of Mahatma Gandhi, sitting quietly and smiling. Both are iconic Indian symbols. (And also both are Bengalis!)
The third and final thing about negativity is to sublimate it - to give it a new form.
On Mahatma Gandhi - my history teacher told me in Class 8 that she didn't agree with Gandhiji and had he not called off the Non-cooperation movment in 1922 after Chauri Chaura, India would have gained her independence earlier. For very long I held Gandhiji in contempt and Netaji (Bengali!) in regard.
Eventually after my own personal development, the picture of Gandhiji and his ideals grew stronger and stronger till I was convinced that his way was the only way. And, it left little doubt in my mind that had his way not been adopted, India would have never gained her freedom.
Violence will not solve the issue. Give me ONE example in this entire world where violence has solved the issue...
So accept negativity, possess it and transmute it. But violence in thought or in action will have mostly a disastrous consequence. Such is the Law of the Universe. The Greeks conquered by violence, the Romans fought long and hard for their empire, the marauding Mongols fought with violent valour. Where are they now? Where are the great empires? From ashes to ashes, from dust to dust.
Only one great country in this whole wide world has never attacked anyone but in retaliation. Only one great country in this world has been recorded in history before any other country has been recorded. Only one culture exists from that time to today. Only one great country has shown a resilience even to the point of frustration. You and I are that great country, that great culture.
How do you protest against something? In any way, as long as it is non-violent - in thought and in action - that's important. The whole universe will listen to you. India has had her own means of protest from times immemorial. You need to keep that up. Have pride in who you are and not what you want to become.
Sometimes people ask me why I never left India. Because I wanted to be India - I wanted to be able to make a change. Today I am plain uncomfortable outside India. A couple of years back, I went to Singapore for a conference. It was a very enjoyable three days, but on the fourth I was itching for my flight back to Delhi. And when I landed at IGI, the ground seemed my own and the air seemed my own - it just felt different and unfamiliar in Singapore.
I stayed on in BITS for the same reason - because I wanted to be able to make a change. As a student I mostly slept through the days and bunked classes. The reasons were exactly the same as today's - most of my classes were singularly uninspiring. It was a frustrating realisation and I sought solace in the few classes that were. This was acceptance of negativity.
Then was the possession, or the fight. I fought against teachers and purposely missed their vivas, abused everything and everyone from instructors to question papers to text-book publishers. It was terrible and it left me tired and weak and confused about my future and feeling I was fighting with the entire world all alone.
In the winter of 2001, after finishing PS II and before starting my final semester at BITS, I did the Sudarshan Kriya in Calcutta. And one day that winter, as I was sitting deep in meditation in Thakur's room at Dakshineshwar (a favourite jaunt of mine), a voice from inside revealed to me my future. It was clear as crystal, what I had to do - I had to become the very thing I hated the most - the instructor. The possession of negativity!
Very good, divine intervention and all that - but I had 6.5 in my two Physics sems and 5.5 in my two EEE sems; so how to do it? Believe it or not, I had difficulty differentiating between series and parallel resistance connections. On the car ride back from Dakshineshwar, I thought about how I would take my first class. And it all came rushing back, the negativity and the frustration, the bad teaching and some of the good. It was scary being the very thing that you detested.
In my final semester I did my thesis. (Oh, I finally found my guru - but more on him later.) 10 a.m. in the morning to 6 p.m. in the evening I was in Sky on the grass with one text book - no lunch (the mess cook wasn't Bengali), no getting up and lots of chai and cigarettes. In three weeks, I read three pages - I shit you not - but I made sure I understood every word of what I read. In the entire semester, I finished one and a half chapters of that text book and designed a circuit with 5 transistors. Which the brighter students do in a week.
At that point in time I refused a couple of jobs and enrolled for my Master's at BITS much to my parents' chagrin and my friends' titterings and against well-wishers who warned that BITS was a place full of old degenerates. But the voice had said to become instructor. BITS was short of people at that point in time and I guess that is how in spite of my abysmal CG, I made it to TA-ship.
The whole universe had conspired to make me an instructor and I, driven by a mad voice had let it.
They gave me a lecture section - Electrical Sciences I. I had made a C in that course and more notably a zero in the second test as student. There were twelve people in class and most prominently a girl I had had a crush on as a student not so long ago. In a matter of seconds I forgot all the planning I had done from that day on in Dakshineshwar and could not get a single English statement out straight. I ended up reading the handout and letting them go in 15 minutes.
The second load I had was Microelectronic Circuits - a CDC freshly introduced by LKM into EEE that year and I was his direct TA. I had to attend his classes and I was sweating hard in the first class because he was revising stuff and the third and fourth year guys were answering stuff I had no clue to. I swore at the voice and was sure that this possession of negativity wasn't such a great idea.
However, between thinking of doing an MBA and learning Java, I taught those classes I was supposed to and within a couple of months, I could get complete English sentences out straight. :-)
Then one hot and sultry afternoon in September as I taught to my class of twelve, there was a magical moment. I was saying something I can't remember what - when in a dizzying flash I forgot to speak. For floating in front of my eyes were electrons and transistors in their primordial glory. Something I had said triggered the vision and like Neo from the Matrix, I stood silent and amazed at the swirling particles.
I remember what I had said after that. I stopped at looked at my (rather worried) twelve and smiled and said, "Does anyone have any questions?". I knew that I could answer anything they had to ask.
The sublimation of negativity had occurred!
Yes, I was the instructor I had always despised and feared. But a much better version. I had kept the good and removed the bad as much as I could. From then till now, it has been polishing stuff so that the students are taken to a point of clarity beyond doubt.
Then I soon realised that BITS had many things I needed changed. That happened finally yesterday. At least the beginning happened. Which is why I was so thrilled of course.
But yes, it is a never-ending journey towards perfection. I am just glad that some of my favourite men are at the helm and I am also glad that some of my non-favourites are not - I have fought long and hard against them.
If you complain about BITS and India, (paraphrasing from President Abdul Kalam - yeah I was really proud of him) know that you are BITS and you are India.
And only YOU can be the change that you want to see.
27 comments:
Interesting..
Sir,
First of all i love your style of writing,very captivating.By the time i could read your 'Blown to BITS' post, u had removed it..is there anyway i can access that??
A very inspiring post, you always manage to inspire me, be it with ur teaching or writing,hats off sir.
just a word > Inspirational!
A riveting read indeed. This is really some 'activating' philosophy!
'inspirational' would be an utter understatement because with this you give hope to all of us,"yes-we-can-transcend-the-dross-and-have-our-moment-of-epiphany" kinda hope.
This bears yet another testimony to the fact that in the heart of CHAOS lies the kernel of hope. Thanks for rekindling our spirits sir at a time when the only answer seemed 'giving up'.
"...electrons and transistors dancing in primordial glory.." - one of the most captivating lines I have ever come across....
Disagree on Mahmatma Gandhi part, but Hats off for the rest....
Hats Off!!!
Respect!!
@darshit : Shouldn't you be working on that output impedance instead of reading other people's blogs? :-D
@Siddharth : Hey SS, thanks for the nice things. I typed the original post into the browser and I am not particularly possessive about my writing.
I am glad that you liked the teaching.
@Samip, Chirawa, Riddhiman : Thanks mate!
@Swabhiman : Yes you have to want something badly and not be worried about it at the same time. Then you will find inspiration coming from within...
@Diggi : Cheers mate! Sab theek? And thanks...
Great post Sir.
I always thought u were the fundoo guy who must have made a 10 in his BITS time.I Never liked Mue and never attended any of my CDC classes for the same reason u didnt. :) dont regret it one bit though because I couldnt appreciate the subject at all.
Fortunately I read your earlier post before it got deleted and I am looking fwd for the new BITS.
Inspirational post (the current one) to sum it up.
wish more people (including me) had it in them to leave everything else and "be" the change they wanted to see...
Keep up your good work!
looking fwd to a better BITS...
~R
Hello sir
After 4.5 years of my BITSian life, I finally had to read this post of yours to know.. that there's more to life than a college life that made me regret every breath..every single decision. Not just the few incidence in this post strangely similar to my college life but from being a BITSian to being an Indian.. everything is touching.
Thanks a lot for this... allow me to follow your blog.
PS: before reading this post I only knew through my EEE friends that there is a fundoo guy among EEE faculty :)
Fatafati stuff! Like your simple yet thought-provoking style of writing.
buddhi barte barte buddha hoye gechho! :D
I'm on it sir, slogging every night. :P
And I agree with you on the Gandhiji Netaji debate. As we grow up being bengali kids, I think we are slightly engineered to believe that Netaji is the unsung hero, to whom grave injustice has been met (which is all true) and that his was the freedom movement with balls. But as I grew up and read and listened and observed and thought, to be able to consciously differentiate between my Bangaliyana and the spade, I saw the counter-intuitive genius and sheer infallibility of Gandhi's revolution. If I were to insult it, I would say it is a masterwork on social psychology. But I dare not.
Anurup da,
I think it was very brave of you to decide to stay back at BITS and do your part. Not many can do that. Hats Off!
However, I do feel that you might be sending wrong signals out there to the students by glorifying about the fact that you bunked classes, quizzes and disregarded the courses while at BITS. While you have been lucky to get away with that, not all of us can be so fortunate. We should try to change the system by not boycotting but by attending and getting better than the teachers and questioning their understanding. That way, we start thinking. And besides, a stellar gpa never hurts.
There are things that can be learnt in class, even if the professor is not great. Personally, I was never really a fan of your teaching style, but nevertheless, I attended you classes because I still could learn something. I am sure no one here will like all the classes they take / are forced to take. But that still doesn't take away the fact that at the end of it, we became a little wiser. I strongly believe one should not accept negativity, but should try to turn it into a positive and fruitful experience.
Nothing can be perfect, and coming to think of it, nothing is meant to be perfect. It doesn't make sense when you advocate compulsary attendance in one post and glorify bunking classes in another. Some professors will be bad. Some courses will be shitty. But, there's always a non-zero positive take away, much like temperature that can never reach absolute zero. And with this in mind, we should all sail through the ocean of life.
@R : I think that "leaving everything" tends to be a very difficult option. An easier one (and dare I say wiser one) would be to re-evaluate the things that you really consider valuable in life.
Then some things will naturally drop off. You don't have to leave them.
@kamal : Well its never too late! I started studying in my 5th year and that didn't prove to be too late. :-)
And there is nothing to regret in life. Only to learn.
If by "fundoo", you imply someone with strong fundamentals, then you are correct. :-)
However, if you mean someone who thinks up the best circuit designs in the world, then no. In fact, a lot of my (ex)students are today more capable than I am.
What I'd like to believe is that my strengths lie elsewhere. ;-)
Not to forget my weaknesses amongst which laziness is number one on the list!
@Bongu : So now you know the truth! Appreciation of anything comes a little late. It comes with time...
@Som & Somu : Orre ki dilam bol! :-D
And thanks!
@Som : Yes it was definitely a masterwork on social psychology - but with a very deep backing I think.
And that is that to create a mass social movement, the individual consciousness needs to be cleansed.
That's why I think Gandhiji, advocated ahimsa so strongly. Ahimsa was philosophy and Satyagraha was action.
Incidentally Rishi Aurobindo also speaks about this - that he realised that to have a lasting effect at any level of existence, the individual consciousness has to be elevated first and foremost.
I can understand today that people like Sri Sri advocate the Sudarshan Kriya for the exact same reason - the upliftment of society cannot occur without upliftment of the individual.
People of course thrust their own projections on everything.
@Arvind : Hey, I am sorry I cannot recognise you by name, but I'm sure I'll know when I see you by face.
Sorry if I appear to have glorified anything - that wasn't the intention. I did read through again, and maybe - this is just a suggestion and continuing from my reply to Som - your own perceptions are attaching heroism to what I wrote.
These are things that I did - not what I suggest everybody does. Everyone's Path is different...
Also, I think Vineet was right when he said in a personal mail to me that people will be taken up more by the "actions" than the "philosophy".
A lot of the things you are saying are exactly the things that I wanted to say. You'll have to realise that truth is multidimentional (as Sri Sri says) and often appears to be contradictory.
Let me point out:
1) You cannot turn negativity into a fruitful experience without accepting that it is there in the first place.
2) The larger majority of students will always want to bunk classes - for a variety of reasons though - compulsory attendance would attempt to lessen the possibility and take them to being a "little more wiser" that you talk about.
"Nothing can be perfect."? As I said truth is multidimensional and everything judgemental that we say is limited by our own experiences and perceptions.
Which is of course OK!
@Arvind : As an afterthought, I think that there is one crucial difference in our perceptions. I am not implying that any is better than the other.
When you mean a "positive experience" - you possibly mean it for the individual. (This is solely on the basis of what you have written - so forgive me on that.)
When I mean a "positive experience", I mean it for a larger group of people - outside and beyond oneself.
I guess that is why I became an instructor instead of just being happy with what I learnt.
Really inspiring post Sir! :)
Also, a Bengali Shivaji! :D :D
Really nice and thought provoking post Sir !..
The mention of electrons floating was amazing !
Accepting negativity and accepting it ...never realised this was what was missing when I was frustrated with work .. Glad that I read this post !
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